I need you
by cowgirl.at.heart
Summary: Sam comes back from a tragic mission that leaves her emotionally broken. Without thinking, she finds herself at Jack's cabin where he's there to help her through her heartache. **takes place S9-10. Carter/O'Neill established relationship
1. Jack

**** I do not own any rights to the SG TV program or the characters ******** ****

Samantha Carter came out of the wormhole, emotions frayed, spirits shattered and heart broken. And it wasn't just her. She knew that the rest of her team had also suffered with the tasks of the mission. She looked back at Daniel as he stepped through the event horizon. He offered her a small smile, "it'll be okay," he said quietly, putting an arm across her shoulders as they walked down the ramp.

General Landry met them at the bottom with a somber expression. He nodded at them as they walked up to him. "How are you holding up?"

Sam nodded, but was unable to force even a small smile on her face. "We'll be fine sir."

"I don't doubt it Colonel. However in light of what's happened in the past few days, I'm ordering everyone to take a few days off. I don't want to see any of you back here 'till next week. Dismissed."

**SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1**

She thought that she'd be an emotional wreck, but she had cried so many times over the past few days, and exhausted all of her emotions both on the base and on the planet that now, all Sam felt was numb as she left Cheyenne Mountain and drove home. Opening the door to her house, she tossed her keys on the counter and dropped onto the couch. Closing her eyes, she leant back into the cushions

Beep … beep….beep….beep….

Groaning, Sam got up and walked over to the kitchen, where her answering machine was trying to tell her that she had messages waiting. The first two were hang-ups, the third from her brother, and then…

"Hey Sam, it's me. " _Jack!_ Her breath caught at the sound of his voice. His voice always had a way of breaking through her defenses. "It's been a while since we last talked. I know you've been busy, and there never seems to be a stop to the paperwork and reports here. Hope things are going well at the SGC. I just thought I'd call to let you know that I finally got some time off at the Pentagon, so I'll be spending the next few days at the cabin. If you're free……" she heard him sigh and a small smile spread on her face. "I miss you," he said softly. "Call me when you get this – click"

Sam reached for the phone when she felt her stomach rumble. Not able to remember when she last ate, she chose to eat first, and then call Jack.

But the late afternoon found a very exhausted Sam asleep on the couch.

**SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1**

The scene was eerily familiar to the planet where they found Cassandra. _Everything was ghostly quiet. _It was inside the houses where they had found the first of the bodies._ Bodies everywhere…._

As Sam slept, the faces of the dead that they had stumbled on haunted her. She could see their pale sunken faces, lifeless eyes….

She sat up, sweat-soaked and breathing heavily. It was as if the dream had awoken the memories she fought so hard to repress. Closing her eyes again, she saw the innocent children, their bright smiling faces, oblivious to their own tragic fate; and tears formed in her eyes. She wiped them away and tried to concentrate on something else. But everything she looked at, or thought of, led her back to those memories. As the images flashed through her mind, more tears fell down her cheeks. Her breath now coming in short gasps, Sam grabbed her keys, the only thought running through her mind was to get out, go somewhere where she could clear her mind.

**SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1**

Her mind on auto-pilot, she drove for hours into the night. Unable to keep her thoughts off of the wide-eyes children, and the dead bodies, silent tears rolled down her face. It was very dark when she stopped her car, and found herself outside of Jack's cabin.

Before she left the car, she took a deep breath. This wasn't her. She was a soldier, an air-force officer. She faced danger on a daily basis. She was not the type of person to have emotional breakdowns, or run into her lover's arms on a bad day. And yet here she was, vulnerable, completely broken and practically standing on his doorstep. Letting out the breath slowly, she wiped her eyes, hoping to hide the evidence of her tears, and stepped out.

Knock knock

_For crying out loud, I came here to get away from people,_ thought Jack. _Who could be at the door this late at night?_ Getting up, he pulled a t-shirt on over his boxers and went to open the front door.

When he opened the door, and she saw him, the feeble walls that she had put up while waiting at the door, fell down, and fresh tears formed in here eyes, threatening to spill over.

There had been very few times in all of the years that he had worked with Sam,that something so terrible had happened that it broke through her tough-soldier act: Daniel's "death", his own near-death experience, and the death of her father. Jack could tell that this was one of those rare times. He looked at her now, and saw her watery eyes and red tear-streaked face, and his heart ached. "Come here," he said softly. Once in the embrace of his arms, her remaining will power crumbled away and she clung to him and wept.

**SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1**

***Note: what happened on the mission that upset Sam, will be explained in future chapters. I was considering explaining it at the beginning as like a flashback, but I think it'll work better this way. Thanks!**


	2. Sleep

**** Note: I'm sorry this chapter took so long! I was really stuck on how to write it. I hope to have the next chapter up by the weekend. Enjoy! ***

In his arms, she cried out all of her frustration, and pent up emotions. And Jack just held her; and let her vent her heartache. When she finally calmed down, Jack pulled back a little. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" His face was taught, the frown-lines on his forehead prominent, and his eyes were full of concern; he was worried. So rarely did he see her like this, that something very terrible must have happened to have put her in his state. "Are Daniel and Teal'c alright?"

"Everyone's fine," she said.

"You're not," he pointed out. "Was it the mission?"

Sam drew in a shaky breath. "I…..I tried so hard Jack…..to forget what we'd seen…..what we'd done. We're supposed to be detached….brave….strong….I first I couldn't do it…..but I had to……but I…..I…." her voice dropped to a whisper as her emotions overwhelmed her, and she looked up at him, bright baby blues sparkling with tears. "I need you," she breathed.

Jack knew that something on that mission had gotten to her, and that Sam wasn't quite ready to talk about it. He also knew not to push her. She would tell him when she was ready.

So instead of questioning her, he caressed her cheek with his hand, rubbing his thumb over the smooth skin. "And I'll always be here for you."

Sam sighed and leant her head on Jack's chest. Despite his best efforts, a small yawn escaped him. Sam's eyes widened, and she pulled back to take in his full attire; a faded grey Air Force t-shirt, dark blue boxers, and very disheveled hair. A blush spread across her face. "Oh my god Jack….I…..I'm so sorry." She looked away, her words coming faster and faster. "I didn't even think…..you were asleep! I woke you up! I shouldn't have come, I –"

"-Carter!" The sound of his voice stopped Sam's ranting. "You needed me remember? And I'm here….I'm not going anywhere. Now I'm tired, and knowing you, I bet that you can't even remember the last time that you slept." Sam gave a small smile. He knew her too well. "Come on," he said gently, leading her back towards the bedroom.

As Jack got back into bed, Sam stood in the doorway and looked down at her feet. "Jack I didn't bring……could I –"

"- second drawer," said Jack smiling.

A few minutes later, Sam emerged from the bathroom in one of Jack's t-shirts and slid into bed next to him. She propped herself up, looking at him in the lamplight. "Thank you," she said softly.

"Sam," he said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, then cupping her cheek in his hand. "I told you, I will always be here for you."

Warmed by Jack's words, Sam leaned forward, brushing her lips softly over his. "Mmmmm" Jack mumbled.

Smiling Sam snuggled up to him, resting her head on his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you," she said.

Jack pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I've missed you too….Now," he said reaching for the lam on the bedside table. "Sleep."

She breathed in deeply, breathing in his scent, and the smell of the crisp clean sheets. And as she began to fall asleep in the warmth of Jack's embrace, the nightmare from the past few days seemed a million miles away. "Goodnight Jack."


	3. Bad Dream

***Flash* **

_Dr. Fraiser came out of the makeshift infirmary to find Sam sitting on one of the supply boxes playing with one of the children. She saw her dangling a small toy to the delighted laughter of the small infant. _

"_Sam?"_

_Sam looked up, her smile fading. "Please don't ask me to go in there."_

"_Sam I could really use your help."_

_She looked back down at the smiling child. "I can't Janet. I…..I can't do it," she said softly, her voice breaking._

***Flash***

_Sam kissed the toddler's head and placed her on the table. Thinking it was another game, the little girl looked up at her, giving a toothy little smile, eyes shining bright. Sam closed her eyes, turning away from the little girl, and took a deep breath. She picked up a small syringe and turned back to face the giggling toddler. At the sight of the needle, the small child's face scrunched up and she started to whimper. _

"_It's okay," said Sam softly. She picked her up and sat down with her on the edge of the table. She held the child close and comforted it. Once it had quieted down, she hummed to it softly, distracting her from the pinch of the needle. Slowly Sam pushed the chemicals into the girl. When the syringe was empty, she held the child tightly to her, whispering to her softly and holding her tiny hand, until she had passed._

***Flash***

_As they walked back to the stargate, Sam looked out at the once flowering fields, now dotted with hundreds of graves. So many people….so many children. She looked at the faces of her team and the others who had come to help. Everyone was very quiet and somber. Just before she stepped through the event horizon, she took one last look at the graves, and she thought of all the people who had lost their lives there. How many of them had she put there?_

***end flash***

Sam woke up gasping for air. The dream had felt so real that for a moment she thought that she was reliving the nightmare. She felt strong hands on her shoulders, rubbing the tension out of them.

"Bad dream?"

"I didn't mean to wake you," he heard her say, her voice trembling.

"Sam?"

"I…..I need a glass of water." Pulling back the covers, she quickly left the room.

It was a while before she came back to bed. As she walked back in, Jack could tell that she had been crying. "The mission?" he asked. Sam nodded as she got back into bed. Jack put an arm around her and tucked her close to him. "Are you gonna be alright?"

Sam didn't answer, but just threw an arm across his chest in a loose hug. Jack knew that the hug was more to convince herself than him. He wrapped his arms around her puling her closer. She felt him lace his fingers through hers and leant into his embrace. "Sam," he whispered in her ear. "Whatever is haunting you….we'll get through this together."

**Note: I know in the series, Dr. Fraiser wasn't alive at this point anymore. But I thought her character fitted best into the story.**


	4. Breaking Down

Jack woke up the next morning to an empty space next to him. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he got up and headed to the kitchen. He finally found Sam sitting on the edge of the dock, feet dangling in the water, nursing a hot cup of coffee in her hands and watching the sunrise.

"Whatcha doing?"

There was a brief moment of silence before she answered. "Thinking."

"Ahhh…. A very dangerous hobby," he said jokingly. He sat down behind her, a leg on either side and scooted up close to wrap his arms around her.

"Did you get anymore sleep?"

"Not really," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry,"

Sam turned around, her icy blue eyes staring his chocolatey brown orbs. Her eyebrows shot up in question. "For what?"

"For whatever happened back there. For not being there."

Sam looked down at the coffee in her hands. "Jack what happened…..I had to do it." She looked back up at him, putting her coffee down and took his hands in hers. "You're here now. And that's what matters."

Jack leant his forehead against hers and then pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. For a few moments they both sat there and stared out over the lake. "If I could take the pain away, I would."

Sam leant back against him and pulled his arms tighter across her. "Me too," she whispered. "Me too."

**SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1**

Despite the circumstances, Jack and Sam were glad to spend some personal time with each other. With Jack in Washington and Sam now leading SG1, their time together was minimal.

The day was spent relaxing in the shimmering sunlight. Jack sat on the edge of his dock fishing for one of his infamous trouts. Not to keen on fishing, Sam sat between his legs, leaning back into him, a book in her hands.

It was late into the afternoon when Jack stood up, still without a fish. "I'm going to get the BBQ ready. Do you need anything?"

Sam waved her hand at him from behind her book. "No I'm fine thanks."

When Jack had left, she put her book down and stood up. As she stretched out her stiff muscles, she felt something in her pocket. Curious she put her hand inside her pocket and pulled out a small doll made of smooth polished wood and soft worn fabric. A small gasp escaped Sam's throat. It was one of the toys that she had made for the children of P3X1128. At the sight of the once loved toy, more images than ever before surfaced, and fresh tears sprang to her eyes. Completely overcome with the onslaught of memories, Sam fell to the deck, clutching the toy to her chest and sobbing uncontrollably.

When Jack came back a few minutes later, he saw Sam through the glass door, on the floor and ran to her. He knelt down next to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Sam, what's wrong?"

Sam was too upset to answer. She just kept shaking her head, trying to dislodge the bad memories, tears pouring down her cheeks. Jack scooped her up in his arms and brought her into the house. Putting her down on the couch, he sat down next to her, pulling her into a tight embrace. Sam clung to him and cried into his shirt. He rubbed her back gently and whispered softly into her ear, trying to soothe her.

It was a long time before she was able to calm down. "Sam I'm worried about you," said Jack pulling back. "Are you ready to talk about it?"

Barely nodding, Sam handed him the doll, and silently Jack waited for her to begin.


	5. The Story

"It belonged to one of children on P3X1128. I made it for her," she said quietly. "From your initial report and Daniel's information we had expected to find the local people friendly and willing to trade, at a developmental stage close to Earth's in the early 20th century. But when we got through the stargate the Goa'uld had got their first. There was evidence of a recent Goa'uld attack. The village was like a ghost town…..that's when we saw the first of the bodies." Sam paused to take a deep breath.

"All of the adults were dead. Some killed by staff weapons, but most died of some Goa'uld inflicted disease. We immediately contacted the SGC for backup, and Landry sent a medical team and SG3 through. When Janet examined the children she found that they were all infected with a nanositic virus."

"You mean nanites?"

Sam nodded. "We thought of bringing them back to the SGC with us but the nanites would have killed them instantly if we brought them through the stargate."

"Like with Cassandra."

Sam nodded her head sadly. "Out next plan was to set up a temporary base on the planet and have people sent through the stargate to take care of the children until some of them were old enough to look after the others. So we began to set up, but a few days, Janet came back with new results from the children's bloodwork. The nanites were slowly…..very slowly shutting down different systems in the children's bodies.

Sam looked at him with a very somber expression, her eyes full of sadness. "The nanites were intended for a very slow death….Jack it was a Goa'uld experiment to see how long it would take for them to die……It was a waiting game." She took her eyes off him, but could still feel his powerful gaze on her. "We tried everything. Janet tried every treatment she could think of, but nothing worked. Even the Tok'ra were unsuccessful."

She fell silent for a few minutes. When she spoke again her voice was quiet and he could hear the pain in her voice. "The order came through a few days later. The children were to be euthanized." Sam stopped to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. "At first the medical team could cope. But when some of the children began showing symptoms, they became overwhelmed. That's when SG1 and SG3 were ordered to assist with the euthanizations. At first I couldn't do it. I couldn't go in there and….."

Tears were now rolling freely down her cheeks. But she couldn't look at him for feat that he would hate her for what she had done. She could barely live with it herself. "Daniel was so strong. Despite how he felt, he knew what he had to do. But I wasn't…..I…..How could I do that to them. They were so small Jack. So small and innocent, with giggling smiles and bright eyes. But I couldn't disobey direct orders and eventually I was forced to…. Afterwards I would sit and hold each one while they drifted off. I didn't want them to be scared. And when they were gone, I made the other SG teams give them all a proper burial. I wasn't going to let them be nameless….and faceless. I wanted future people to know what beautiful and innocent children lay under those fields."

When she looked up, she saw Jack looking down at his hands. Fearing the worst, she quickly stood up and crossed the room, distancing herself from him. She stared out the window at the sun setting over the lake. Suddenly she felt hands closing around hers. She looked up and saw Jack standing there with a soft caring expression on his face.

"Jack I had to. I…."

"Shhhh," he said as he gently wiped the tears from her face.

"You don't hate me?"

Jack's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "Hate you? For what?"

For killing all those children. I can barely live with this myself knowing what I've done, so I understand if you-"

"-I love you." She stopped her mini-rant and looked up at him with big watery eyes. "I could never hate you. You saved those children Sam. You did nothing wrong."

Relief washed over her and she leant her head against his chest while he wrapped he arms around her. "I wasn't strong like Daniel and Janet."

Jack pulled back and put a finger under her chin, lifting her face up so he could look into her eyes. "Sam, you're the strongest person I know. I couldn't have done what you did back there. But you did. You overcame the pain that you were feeling and you saved those children."

A smile spread across her face at the compliment. "Thank you," she whispered and she leant forward pressing her lips against his.

Jack pulled her up close to him, wrapping his arms around her and deepening the kiss. After a few passionate moments, the two pulled apart. "Feel better now?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yes."

"Good," he said grinning and he pulled her back for another kiss.


	6. Don't Go

*** A few days later***

It was early morning, the sunlight, just beginning to filter into the room. Jack lay awake watching Sam as she slept. He took in the peaceful expression on her face, the light perfumed scent of her hair, the softness of her skin. Looking at her made him realize how much he wanted to stay. He hated being away from her for so long, when he was at the Pentagon.

Sam let out a soft moan, and rolled over, facing him. "What time is it?" she asked sleepily.

"It's still early," he said softly.

She put an arm across his chest is a kind of hug, drawing herself closer to him. "I wish you didn't have to go," she said quietly.

Jack looked down at her. "You think I like being away from you?"

"You were gone for so long last time," she said, resting her head on his chest.

He pulled her closer, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping his arms around her. As Sam snuggled in, a yawn escaped her. Jack smiled softly. "Go back to sleep," he whispered, planting a kiss on the top of her head. Sam's eyelids fluttered and drooped and she was soon breathing slowly, lost in sleep.

**SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1 SG1**

Jack sat in his kitchen with the phone pressed up against his ear. "Yes sir……I know sir….. yes thank you sir……I will…….goodbye sir."

As he hung up the phone, he heard a voice from the other side of the room. "Who was that?" He looked up and saw Sam enter the kitchen.

"Oh that? That was the head of Homeworld Security."

Sam's forehead creased. "I thought you weren't due back until tomorrow."

"I'm not."

"I don't understand –"

"-that's a first.," Jack said smirking.

"Why would he call you here?" she asked, giving him a look.

Jack sighed and walked over to her. "We need to talk," he said as he took her hands and led her out onto the deck. Jack saw down on the edge of the deck, letting his legs dangle over the edge. He looked up at a nervous looking Sam, and gave her a soft smile, patting the wood next to him. S she sat down next to him, he took both of her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them.

"Sam, I'm not going back. I called the head of Homeworld Security this morning to talk about my resignation."

"But Jack, your career, your work at the Pentagon, General Landry, the SGC, SG1-"

Sam was silenced by Jack's finger on her lips. "Carter the SGC will be fine without me. Plus, I've got something more important in my life now." Sam blushed. "Besides….I HATE paperwork," he said as Sam let out a small laugh.

Letting go of one of her hands, Jack reached into his pocket," one more thing." He pulled out a small black box and opened it to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. Sam's eyes widened when she saw the ring. "Samantha Carter, I have known you for nine years. You took my breath away on the first day that I met you, and you stole my heart soon after that. You are by far the smartest person I know, which can make you a real pain in the ass sometimes. But you are also extremely kind and caring, passionate about your work, and you're absolutely beautiful. I don't want to be with anybody else." Sam looked up at him with watery eyes. "Will you marry" he asked softly.

"Yes," she breathed.

"Jack let out the breath that he had been holding, and gently slid the eloquent ring onto her finger. "I was hoping you say that."

"You had doubts?"

"Sam you're smart. There are much better men out there than me."

"But I want you."

Jack grinned. "Do you think you can put up with me?"

Sam smiled broadly. "I've put up with you for nine years sir," she said, emphasizing the latter formality.

"Good," said Jack gruffly as he pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

And Sam knew that whatever lay ahead of her in the future, she would be okay……because she had Jack.

**THE END**


End file.
